Only even numbers of fruit and vegetables are healthy, experts declare

NUTRITIONISTS have claimed eating two, four, six, or eight portions of fruit and vegetables every day is healthy, but eating one, three, five, or seven could be fatal.

The five-a-day guideline, promoted for years, has now been abandoned for dangerously imbalancing the body and shortening life by as much as a decade.

Nutritionist Helen Archer said: “The human body is symmetrical with two hands, two eyes, two lungs and so on, so everything must be eaten in pairs.

“If you eat a banana it opens up two ‘health slots’ but if the next thing you eat is a pie then it goes in a ‘health slot’ and begins corrupting your ‘health cores’, which is really bad.

“So while two portions of carrots are great, three will kill you. With a portion being probably like two or so carrots, depending on how big they are.

“Follow this advice rigorously until we decide it’s wrong and change it. Or you’ll die.”