Corbyn admits there are serious flaws with Britain's voters

JEREMY Corbyn had admitted that Labour’s Copeland loss means they can no longer ignore the flaws of Britain’s electorate. 

The Labour leader said that while he still believed that polls had been misrepresenting the public, the by-election result meant they had to confront the fact that voters were seriously flawed.

He continued: “When a leader is backed overwhelmingly by the fastest-growing mass movement in Europe two years in succession, you know there’s no issue there. So you look elsewhere.

“The danger is that the contagion which caused Scottish voters to turn against Labour, for no reason whatsoever because we’d done literally nothing, has spread south to Cumbria.

“My mentor Pol Pot taught me it is never easy to order a cull, but if we are to prevent this infection reaching our heartlands it is sadly necessary.”

He added: “Once Copeland has been purged, we’ll re-establish a Labour-voting population by bringing in breeding pairs from Hackney and Islington.”


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Leicester City owners fire Ranieri, fans and surrounding conurbation

LEICESTER City’s owners have sacked title-winning manager Claudio Ranieri, the fans of the club and the city of Leicester itself. 

The club’s Thai owners plan to install Roberto Mancini as manager and replace the conurbation of Leicester with the up-and-coming French city of Montpellier.

A spokesman said: “It has been the most difficult decision we have ever had to make, but sadly the manager, fans and surrounding area do not fit with our vision for the club.

“We have been forced to part company with Ranieri, to inform lifelong fans they no longer have any emotional connection to the club, and work has begun on relocating the metropolitan area of Leicester to a greenfield site in the middle of Wales.

“All those involved have our heartfelt thanks for bringing us, the owners, the Premier League title last year and we promise that the new Leicester City will finally be a club worthy of its name.”

Former Leicester fan Gary Lineker said: “I never knew what a relief it would be.”