THOUSANDS of Britons are in deep denial about the true nature of the seaside areas they are flocking to in the hot weather.
A desperate need to enjoy any sort of summer weather is stopping people confronting the truth about the various bleak hell-holes they are visiting in a state of delirious joy.
Office worker Kelly Howard said: “I’ve got the day off so naturally I rushed to a deprived town where the only choice of food is Wetherspoons, chippies and Iceland. These dry chips are delicious!
“Sure, the beach is rammed with drunk people and litter, there’s raw sewage floating by near the beach and my car’s been vandalised by local youths. But I’m at the seaside! Yay!”
Psychiatrist Oliver O’Connor said: “This is a level of denial usually seen only in the most hard-to-treat cases of alcoholism. In fact I would call it dangerous mass psychosis when people believe candyfloss is enjoyable to eat.
“My approach would be intensive talking therapy to gradually bring people back to reality. Although treading in a Burger King box that has been shat in on the beach tends to have the same effect.”
Dad Martin Bishop said: “My youngest said she’d found a tiny fairy’s wand which turned out to be a used needle covered in a thin translucent crust.
“The British seaside really is a magical place where dreams come true.”
