COMPLAIN all you want, Switzerland doesn’t care, it emerged last night.
The super-rich, mountainous country confirmed its status as Europe’s coolest society by lighting a cigarette and blowing smoke directly into your pinched, judgemental face.
Switzerland said: “I speak four languages – as well as impeccable English. I have clean streets, low taxes and if I want I can have a smoke in a groovy bar.
“But hey, I’m just a country doing my thing.”
It added: “Meanwhile, there you are, all caught up in your petit bourgeois concerns about second hand smoke and making sure everyone behaves in the same straight-laced, button-down, nine-to-five way.
“I’d suggest we take a road trip together, see if we can’t open your eyes to that crazy, crazy world out there, but then what would your mummy say?
“You probably don’t even like Thelonius Monk.”