‘Thank God 2016’s over’ laughs man who will break both legs next week

A MAN who will soon be in traction with two broken legs is really glad 2016 is behind him. 

Nathan Muir, who will take his final steps for the year next Wednesday when he crosses a busy road while arguing on his mobile, spent the last days of 2016 with his fingers crossed hoping to get through unscathed.

Unaware that by October he will be homeless, he said: “2016, right? What a cursed year.”

Perhaps anticipating his slide into alcoholism as he runs out of cash, he added: “I’ve honestly never felt gladder to pop that champagne cork at midnight.

“I’m going to get into shape and nail that big promotion, then get a girlfriend who could realistically be a model.”

Muir will make a full recovery after being knocked over by a blue Renault Clio, although it will be well into 2019 before he has sex again.

Colleague Helen Archer said: “Poor Nathan. Last year was rough on him. He really liked Prince.”