Britain sending 'em back where they don't come from

THE UK has begun its new immigration policy of sending them back to where they do not come from and have never previously been. 

Today’s flight to Rwanda begins a long-awaited common-sense immigration scheme of removing illegal immigrants 4,200 miles away to central Africa regardless of their country of origin.

Norman Steele, aged 72, said: “About time we sent ‘em all back to a country of equivalent value to the one they came from. See how they like that.

“These lefties say that an Iranian asylum seeker’s never been to Rwanda and won’t know the language. Well, they should have thought of that before they tried to get into a country where they spoke the language and had family.

“Anyway, it is where they come from because it’s foreign and they’re foreign. If they expect us to differentiate between foreigners that shows they weren’t paying attention to Brexit.

“They’ll love it there because it’s hot and sunny with elephants and lions and that like what they’re used to. Rwanda’s very welcoming and friendly apart from one minor genocide, and that was years ago.”

He added: “Yep, this seven-person flight to a randomly chosen country has sorted immigration out in Britain for good. And all it took was a bit of common sense.”

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Biker shorts, and other fashion trends that show off a lot of anatomy

THIS summer, it’s all about showing off your body in a way that brings to mind well-thumbed medical textbooks. Jump on these trends: 

Biker shorts

Wearing these on a bike at least allows the possibility of a saddle blocking observers’ view of your intimate folds, or moving too fast to get a good look. So wear them on the high street to make everyone wince as they glance at your exquisitely delineated crotch.

Grey joggers

A look for gents who don’t want to waste data sending a dick pic; choose the wrong shade of soft cotton and it may as well be a bridal veil. It’s a great way to be able to be a fully nude life model without chilling your balls off.

Superskinny jeans

A less relaxed, harder partying look that will also leave anyone catching sight of you below the waist very much less relaxed. It’s the same vivid vision of the male appendage, but this time how it’d look in one of those vacuum-sealed bags mums put in the loft.

Yoga pants

Show off having achieved inner peace by sticking these on, proving you’ve transcended the material world by not being in the least bothered by camel toe. If only others were so enlightened, they wouldn’t need to stare fixedly away.

Low-rise trousers

A rare chance for anatomists to get a detailed perspective of the rear of the body, and how fat arses can be. Forget subtle glimpses through layers of fabric, these things ride themselves down for the full builder’s crack.

Daisy Dukes

There’s tight and there’s clothing that goes the extra mile by giving you thrush. Positively gynaecological, the classic denim short-short is no more than a loincloth with metal studs in and as comfortable as that sounds.