THE home secretary has vowed that tomorrow’s Rwanda flight will go ahead even if it is just six mannequins and her, glowering furiously.
Following legal moves to stop the illegal deportation flight, Patel has insisted that it go ahead and secured a stock of shop window dummies who are to bear the brunt of her xenophobic rage.
A Home Office insider said: “She’s been so excited about this flight, emailing at 4am with ideas like ‘put a bomb on board?!’ or ‘can we throw them out over the sea?’.
“It’s all she’s ever wanted. It’s why she went into politics. And now, because of a load of lefty lawyers using left-wing laws in the out-of-touch liberal courts, she’s facing a flight completely denuded of hate figures.
“We’ve had to get mannequins, paint them suitably, dress them up like terrorists and still she’s kicking off because they don’t scream realistically when she beats them.
“Quite frankly I don’t think most of them will last the flight. We’re flying all the way to central Africa to tip a load of broken plastic limbs onto a runway while she stands there panting hard.”
Patel said: “Punishment. There must be punishment. Those dummies must suffer. Also Rwanda is a safe haven and they’ll love it there.”