Cameron excluded from cool G7 clique

THE most popular and good-looking leaders have formed a clique at the G7 summit without David Cameron.

The clique members, led by Barack Obama and Angela Merkel, always sit together at banquets and do cool, fun things without telling the other leaders.

The prime minister said: “They all went to a bierkeller and I had to stay in the hotel playing cards. Then I watched some weird German pornography and went to bed.”

He added: “If you’re only friends with world leaders who are ‘cool’ that makes you a really shallow person. Michael Gove told me that.”

President Obama said: “I kinda like David Cameron, but I’ve got a rep to maintain which means I can’t hang around with British people.”

Last night Cameron announced he was setting up his own G7 clique, but so far it is just him and a confused Japanese tourist.

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Wales bans e-cigarettes because they are not manly

E-CIGARETTES have been banned in Wales as part of a crackdown on things that compromise masculinity.

A Welsh government spokesman said: “We are a proud race, with a long tradition of rugby, coal mining and dragons.

“There’s something about these fancy metal sticks that is against our principles. They’re for people with no balls.

“I mean, you wouldn’t have caught Richard Burton using one. He smoked and drank voraciously, and died prematurely like a man.”

He added: “Apparently they even come in these fancy flavours like ‘wild cherry’, which really sums up everything wrong with the world these days.

“It’s enough to make us want to dismantle our bridges.”