Amazon workers competing to pack smallest thing in most gratuitously large box

WAREHOUSE staff at Amazon have an ongoing competition based on packing small items in extravagantly large boxes.

Workers at the online retailer revealed that ‘the box game’ is the only thing that makes their jobs tolerable.

32-year-old order picker Mary Fisher said: “At the end of each day whoever’s put a thing in the most excessively large box wins a Twix and a hot drink of their choice.

“If management ask us to use appropriately sized boxes there would be a full-scale rebellion. They tried in 2011 and we burned a warehouse down.”

Amazon workers’ status among their peers is determined by winning the box game. After three wins they gain the rank ‘primo boxer’, while a 10-times box game champion can call themselves ‘ultimo boxus’.

57-year-old warehouse team leader Bill McKay is the most revered Amazon packager of all. Known as ‘Daddy Big Box’, he once sent out a small slot-headed screwdriver in a shipping container designed to transport a young elephant.

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Woman thinks man is her friend

A 32-YEAR-OLD woman believes that a man with whom she regularly socialises is her friend.

Retail manager Nikki Hollis sees her relationship with colleague Tom Logan as being pretty much the same as her female friendships.

She said: “We’re just mates, we talk about rubbish telly programmes and drink beer and stuff. Actually we spend a lot of time together but it’s never even remotely weird.”

However Logan said: “Every time she mentions having been on a date, my heart shatters into a million pieces like a grenade made of pure sorrow. I wish I could tell her but she thinks I am her friend.”

She said: “He’s just really funny and completely non-sexual. It’s like we’re brother and sister, or like having a gay friend who isn’t gay.

“That’s not to say he isn’t good looking, just not to me. Fancying Tom would be like fancying a table or other item of furniture.

“We’re so cool that one time we even went to a fancy restaurant with a piano player, just the two of us! Tom thought it would be a laugh. I wasn’t even fully dressed when he arrived but he didn’t mind waiting as I tried on tops with him sitting on the bed.”

Logan said: “I remember thinking ‘this is it, this is it, this is it’, and being physically sick in her toilet.

“I almost said something then she asked my opinion about a local vet she fancies. I cried on the way home.

“It was an okay night, but not the best ever to be honest.”