THE People’s Republic of China has announced plans for its entire female population to become astronauts.
The massive Shenzhou-9 shuttle craft will fly 450 million Chinese women into a stable orbit, where they will be expected to build their own space station by taking spare bits from any unattended satellites they find.
China, which has never had much use for women, will then be able to get on with the important business of becoming the world’s only superpower without the shrill, nagging voices of females to distract them.
Chinese state news agency Xinhua said: The women will still have their duties. All wives and mothers will prepare daily meals to rain down from the heavens upon their menfolk, sending them back to Earth in special ‘lunch pods’.
Good workers will be permitted an annual conjugal space visit in order to produce strong sons. Girl children will be stuffed with fireworks and launched at Chinas enemies.
NASA administrator Stephen Malley said: It took us years to clear out the empty vodka bottles and Lenin statues the Russians left here in the 1950s, but wed finally got space just how we like it.
Now were expected to put up with millions of Chinese women stringing up washing between our weather satellites and re-tuning our satellites to pick up repeats of Monkey.”
The ruling Communist Party of China has refused to comment, but is widely thought to be doing whatever it wants and not giving a fuck what anyone else says.