Clinton Slump Shows U.S. Still Not Ready To Vote For A Harpie

AMERICANS may still not be ready to vote for an annoying, screechy harridan after Hillary Clinton's poor showing in the Iowa caucus.

We know you're talking Hillary, but all we can hear is 'wee wee wee wee wee'

Mrs Clinton nagged her way to third place in the primary vote, well behind two reasonable, even-tempered men.

She immediately complained loudly in a voice that sounded like a fork being dragged across a plate, before storming off to New Hampshire in a huff.

Wayne Hayes, professor of American Studies at Dundee University, said: "I think America is ready to vote for a woman, they're just not ready to vote for an absolutely ghastly woman.

"Perhaps the best we could hope for at this stage is a Stockard Channing or maybe even a Jessica Lange."

Professor Hayes added: "Barak Obama's victory in a deeply conservative, rural state such as Iowa suggests that more than a few voters are not taking this seriously."

Meanwhile the success of creationist candidate Mike Huckabee has forced his fellow Republicans into a bidding war over the most unscientific theory for the birth of the universe.

Mitt Romney now says the Earth was baked in a kiln owned by massive gypsies, while John McCain claims the universe is a huge savoy cabbage picked from God's organic vegetable patch.

This weekend Rudolph Giuliani, the former mayor of New York, will insist that the Earth was formed after two enormous planes crashed into the sun.