Countries whose names don’t work with ‘-exit’ barred from leaving EU

BRITAIN has been cleared to leave the EU because Brexit is perfectly usable while other countries have been permanently barred.

New amendments to the Treaty of Lisbon mean that only countries “whose names begin with two consonants not shared by any other member state” are allowed to withdraw from the union.

EU president Jean-Claude Juncker said: “The Grexit is unavoidable, and we can countenance a Brexit, a Spexit, a Swexit or even a Frexit.

“We might even encourage a Czexit because that one’s just perfect. But how are Portugal, Italy, or Latvia supposed to leave?

“Latexit? It sounds like a range of spray-on fetishwear. Slexit could mean Slovenia or Slovakia, so they’re not going anywhere.

“And countries like Ireland, the Netherlands and Austria can forget it. Too unwieldy.”

Juncker added: “It’s a good thing Norway never joined. A Noexit would mean that they were leaving and not leaving simultaneously, stranding them in quantum uncertainty forever.”