Female scientists look ravishing when they take off their glasses

THERE is a striking transformation from ‘clever’ to ‘gorgeous’ whenever lady scientists take off their glasses, it has been claimed.

Following comments from Nobel laureate Tim Hunt about how laboratories should be gender segregated to avoid tempestuous affairs, male scientists confirmed that their hearts leap when the glasses come off.

Biologist Roy Hobbs said: “I spent four productive, sex-free years working on a genome project with a colleague I knew only as ‘Miss Hunt’.

“She was quite plain-looking, or so I always thought until one fateful day when she removed her glasses to wipe off some condensation.

“My jaw hit the floor, as did the test tube I was holding. Who was this goddess stood before me?

“‘Sweet Jesus,’ I stammered, ‘Miss Hunt, you are beautiful’. Then I took her in my arms and smothered her with kisses.

“Actually I didn’t do that. I just stared very hard into my microscope.”

Research scientist Emma Bradford said: “Last week my glasses fell off during an experiment. Everyone just went silent and someone emptied their pipette all over themselves. I was like, ‘what?’”

Meanwhile, physicist Marie Curie was renowned for her ability to go ‘from shrew to vixen’ simply by removing her hair grip.

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HSBC staff sacked by kindly pink-haired pensioners

THE kindly-seeming old ladies running HSBC have decided to sack 8,000 people because profits are down.

The pink-haired billionaire spinsters, who appear in the bank’s TV adverts helping a local girl to become a fashion designer, delivered the bad news via scrawled notes on pink scented paper.

32-year-old assistant mortgage advisor Norman Steele said: “There was an envelope on my desk this morning. It smelled of lilacs and had my name written on it in shaky pensioner handwriting.

“Inside was a note saying ‘Dear Norman, FUCK OFF, from the ‘Pink Ladies’.”

An HSBC spokesman said: “The pink ladies are all about making dreams come true.

“This is Norman’s chance to follow his heart and become a marine biologist, if he can do that with no money.”