ENGLAND is pouring a pint of Guinness in celebration of all the ways it has helped Ireland over the years.
Experts said St Patrick’s Day is the perfect opportunity to drink stout and reminisce about the neighbouring countries’ long history, from the Norman invasion of 1171 to the Troubles.
Englishman Julian Cook said: “Like a little brother who achieves great things to escape from the savage beatings of his childhood, I like to think that everything Ireland has ever achieved is entirely down to us.
“From Henry II naming his son Lord of Ireland even though neither of them had ever been there, to Oliver Cromwell killing a third of the population, England and Ireland have always been intertwined.
“Yes, there’s been the occasional famine because we needed your grain to feed our cattle, but otherwise you wouldn’t have had the motivation to go to New York and become policemen.”
Irishman Sean Dougan said: “Ah, if we could drag the whole country 3,000 miles west, so we’re just off Boston and never have to see the English again.
“That’d be grand.”