Firing banknotes out of cannon into Channel cheaper than no-deal Brexit

TOP economists have urged the government to consider shooting bundles of £50 notes into the sea as an alternative to a no-deal Brexit.

By replacing present policy with the construction of enormous cannon on the cliffs of Dover, stuffed with cash and able to fire twice per minute, British taxpayers could save billions.

Economist Carolyn Ryan said: “The cannon could be gold-plated and the largest ever built, with a lavish opening ceremony at which Beyoncé, the Rolling Stones and Paul McCartney perform, and we would still have countless extra millions to invest in public services.

“Think of it. Round after round of hard cash arcing into the water and scattering on the waves, stimulating the economy by occasionally washing to shore in Hartlepool.

“Another option is to invest 20 per cent of our GDP in gold dust and introduce it to the water supply so that as a country we would literally piss it away.”

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Trump unveils new law of physics allowing him to cross previously undiscovered lines

DONALD Trump has employed theoretical physicists to create infinite lines of taste and decency he can eventually cross.

Presenting the findings as if they were all his own work, Trump said ‘wormholes’ would allow him to cross multiple lines in multiple places, simultaneously.

He added: “I could be in Washington saying something about some bitch TV reporter while at the same time I’m at a rally in Michigan calling Matt Damon a Communist faggot. Win!

“The implications are truly staggering and could mean that by this time next year I may be saying something heinous about disabled people every .002 seconds. So great.”

Meanwhile, Trump has ordered NASA to build an inter-dimensional spaceship so he can visit alternate universes to play golf and swap horrible, disgusting notes with the other Trumps.

NASA engineer Tom Holland said: “We’ll have to utilise the force of his ego to break through the fabric between realities, as well as building a seat strong enough to accommodate his enormous ass.

“Have you seen it? It looks like a sleeping bag full of sausages.”