Git Named

THIS year's Git has been confirmed as 34 year-old Ben Southall from Hampshire.

Looks shit anyway

Southall now gets £75,000 for living in a luxury villa on a tropical island and spending his sun-drenched days snorkelling in the crystal clear waters of the Great Barrier Reef like a right fucking git.

His new employers, the Queensland Tourist Office, said his only task will be to write a daily blog about what an utterly amazing time he is having for no other reason than to rub our fucking noses in it.

Speaking from behind an enormous, shit-eating grin, he said: "Oh, I'm sorry, do you not get seventy five grand to swan about in your trunks all day and eat freshly caught barbecued prawns in your hot tub? It must be me then."

Southall was congratulated by previous Gits including George Clooney, Richard Branson and Lewis Hamilton.

Clooney said: "The first thing a new Git has to do is organise an efficient way of ferrying the boat-loads of bikini-clad nymphomaniacs back and forth from the mainland.

"But he is going to have to keep in shape, because as soon as he gets off that island a lot of people are going to want to kick the absolute hell out of him."

Tom Logan, Southall's best friend since childhood and the recipient of one of his kidneys, said: "I genuinely hope that fucking island is teeming with gigantic, poisonous snakes and you get bitten in half by a Great White shark, you bastarding, git-faced git."