Greeks apologise with huge horse

THE nation of Greece said sorry to the European Union with a present of an enormous wooden horse.

Left outside the European Central Bank in the dead of night, the horse has now been moved into the ECB’s central lobby where it is proudly on display.

A gift tag attached to the horse, which is surprisingly light for its size and has small holes along the length of its body, suggested that it should be placed in the bank’s vaults overnight to avoid it being targeted by thieves.

Mario Draghi, President of the ECB, said: “How nice of the Greeks to acknowledge the trouble we’ve been put to on their behalf with this wonderful horse, handmade and so large it could hold a dozen double-decker buses.

“The card with it, which had a teddy bear dressed as a hobo on the front, explained that Greece made us this because they don’t have enough money for a present, which brought a tear to my eye.

“However, unless they can somehow find billions overnight then austerity measures must continue.”

Oddly, Greek representatives in Brussels have hinted that they may soon be in a position to settle their debts and have puzzled the French and German banks that hold their loans by asking if there is any discount for cash.

The government of Spain has reacted angrily to the gift, accusing the Greeks of trying to bribe the ECB and redoubling their own efforts to weave a gigantic sombrero-wearing straw donkey.



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Battery-powered book a surprise hit

A TYPE of book with a battery has proved popular despite being pointless.

The Kindle electronic book does essentially the same job as a book, except it looks shit and you sometimes have to plug it in.

Despite this, the device has proved a huge success, mainly with menopausal women determined to maximise the amount of Lynne Truss they can consume in a day.

Technologist Nikki Hollis said: “Have you ever been reading a paperback book and thought, this is a nightmare, the design of it is awful, just doesn’t work at all?


“Despite this someone took it upon themselves to create a book with a screen and buttons. Effectively mimicking the tedium of computer-based toil, but in your leisure time.

“Apparently it’s really convenient for going on holiday because you don’t have to carry lots of books. But unless you’re Brian Sewell, how many books are you really going to read on holiday? One and a half, max.

“Although with the electro-book you can strap it into a black leather carrying case so it looks like an S & M Gameboy, which is quite funny.

“Otherwise it’s like a proper book that got shot up by criminals and rebuilt as a soulless machine called robobook that is always sad and has lucid dreams about the halcyon days when it was made of paper.

“Still, it’s really caught on. Probably because of how much humans like to buy new things.”

Electro-book fan Emma Bradford said: “Thanks to this gadget I’ve been able to get rid of all those books that were cluttering up my house and making it look interesting.

“I’m really excited about the drab, unemotional future age we are entering.”