THE news that a curiously-coiffed dictator is ill and his yes-man government is falling apart has left Britain, sorry North Korea, reeling.
The state, which has deliberately cut itself off from its neighbours and whose media is non-stop propaganda claiming everything is wonderful, is thought to be closer to collapse then ever. Still North Korea.
An aide to the supreme leader said: “He’s ruthlessly removed from power anyone he considered a threat, anyone with their own opinions, anyone who’s offended him. There are only headless chickens left.
“The country’s been run into the ground and is in no state to battle a global crisis. Now he’s holed up in one of his palaces with his mistress, who’s going to be in charge? Michael Gove?”
Another insider agreed: “All he does is swill cognac and rant about how the decadent democracies of the EU are doomed.
“But he’s still in control of a nuclear arsenal. And he’s such an insane egotist he might try to take the world with him. Again, just for clarity, this is Kim Jong-un.”
President Trump has sent messages to both leaders, hoping they will soon recover and rejoin his gang of mad bastards destroying Western civilisation.