Humans left with no-one to impress

THE death of Nelson Mandela has left humanity without a single individual that you would genuinely not want to disappoint.

You would probably have said something stupid anyway

You would probably have said something stupid anyway

South Africa’s first black president freed his country from oppression, inspired millions and encouraged countless celebrities to be marginally less self-absorbed.

But as the world mourned a lovely old man who didn’t take any shit from racists, everyone realised there was no longer any reason to raise their game.

Tom Logan, from Peterborough, said: “Nelson Mandela was my last hope for self-improvement.

“I had to factor in the possibility that one day I might meet him and could therefore not allow myself to become irredeemably awful.

“Oh well, that’s that.”

Martin Bishop, from Hatfield, added: “I met someone who met him once and actually had a fleeting desire to try and impress them.

“And they were not even remotely impressive, so that’s powerful stuff.”

Meanwhile, Jane Thompson, from Stevenage, said: “It’s like my lovely old grandpa who fought in the war has died – again.

“The key difference being that grandpa had not forgiven anyone, never mind the Germans.”

But Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “You don’t own Nelson Mandela. He was not your conscience. He was just a guy, doing his thing.

“Scared the shit out of the racists though, eh?”