Hungary now known for Rubik's Cube, goulash and telling refugees to f**k off

HUNGARY has shown there is more to it than cube puzzles by tear-gassing fleeing Syrians.

The Central European country formerly had a relatively low profile, with most people knowing little about it except perhaps that it was the birthplace of puzzle cube inventor Erno Rubik and goulash.

Hungarian prime minister Viktor Orban said: “Hungary has long been a relatively obscure country, known mostly for its contribution to the 80s toy market and a soup-stew hybrid with big bits of carrot in it.

“But we wanted to show we can bring it on the world stage when it comes to telling large groups of exhausted humans to fuck off. It’s PR genius.

“When it comes to liberal use of tear gas, we’re up there with the big boys. And now we’ve raised our profile, tourists will be clamouring to come here and taste our delicious veal dishes.

“We promise not to gas them! Hahaha.”

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Kate Middleton grows fringe to hide Dead Kennedys tattoo

THE Duchess of Cambridge has grown out her hair to hide the Dead Kennedys tattoo on her right temple. 

Kate has been a fan of the California hardcore band since her schooldays at Marlborough College, when her acapella performance of ‘Nazi Punks Fuck Off!’ at a recital apparently moved many parents to tears.

But the Royal Family are up in arms about Kate’s red-and-black facial tattoo, claiming that it is not befitting her role as mother of the future king and that she should have supported a British punk act like Crass.

Kate said: “I feel I have a duty to educate and lead the younger generation, just as Jello Biafra educated the punk generation about the repressive fascism of 1980s America in California Uber Alles.

“I did consider a Butthole Surfers tattoo, but they don’t have such a kickass logo.”

The tattoo is just the latest in the Royal family’s long list of body modifications, from Prince Albert’s penile piercing to the Duke of Edinburgh’s ACAB knuckle tattoos on his left hand, which is why he always appears gloved in public.

Aspirational young public school women across the country are already copying the Duchess, with body artists in the Home Counties reporting record demand for the logos of Minor Threat, the UK Subs and Black Flag.