THE International Space Station is a dirty, smelly mess, it has emerged.
Video clips of astronaut Chris Hadfield playing Bowie songs and doing trippy stuff prompted a Russian team to go and see what exactly was going on up there.
They arrived to find the station’s inner walls to be plastered with posters of Bob Marley, Tupac and ‘Magic Eye’ images where there is a hidden 3D dolphin.
Captain Ivan Abramov said: “They were lying around on the ceiling, arguing about who was going to rehydrate the sachets of powdered tea drink.
“The television was on with the sound turned down while Chris Hadfield did Pink Floyd covers on his guitar. The others kept saying how talented he was and how he could totally do an album but that’s actually nonsense.
“There was a pervasive odour of cannabis and important technical manuals had been torn up for so-called ‘roach material’. Also there was dirty washing up floating around everywhere, truly disgusting.”
“You should have heard their conversations, they were going ‘When we get back to Earth we should abolish money because actually we’re all citizens of the universe’.
“I was like, ‘Well if you want to be penniless I can get NASA to send you a massive cleaning bill’ and they all looked at the floor.”
Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies explained: “Leaving Earth is psychologically similar to going to university. There are no partners, parents or bosses telling you what to do so you just get high and watch loads of Luc Besson films.”