International Space Station basically a floating student house

THE International Space Station is a dirty, smelly mess, it has emerged.

Video clips of astronaut Chris Hadfield playing Bowie songs and doing trippy stuff prompted a Russian team to go and see what exactly was going on up there.

They arrived to find the station’s inner walls to be plastered with posters of Bob Marley, Tupac and ‘Magic Eye’ images where there is a hidden 3D dolphin.

Captain Ivan Abramov said: “They were lying around on the ceiling, arguing about who was going to rehydrate the sachets of powdered tea drink.

“The television was on with the sound turned down while Chris Hadfield did Pink Floyd covers on his guitar. The others kept saying how talented he was and how he could totally do an album but that’s actually nonsense.

“There was a pervasive odour of cannabis and important technical manuals had been torn up for so-called ‘roach material’.  Also there was dirty washing up floating around everywhere, truly disgusting.”

“You should have heard their conversations, they were going ‘When we get back to Earth we should abolish money because actually we’re all citizens of the universe’.

“I was like, ‘Well if you want to be penniless I can get NASA to send you a massive cleaning bill’ and they all looked at the floor.”

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies explained: “Leaving Earth is psychologically similar to going to university. There are no partners, parents or bosses telling you what to do so you just get high and watch loads of Luc Besson films.”

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Increase in CO2 dismissed by CO2 deniers

RECORD levels of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere have been dismissed by people who do not believe the gas exists.

Experts said that scientists had a ‘shameful history’ of manipulating the International Arctic Gas Detector to mislead governments into pursuing pro-CO2 existence policies.

Nathan Muir, a fourth year blogger at Delingpole University, said: “If carbon dioxide really does exist then why did it rain for two hours on Sunday afternoon?

“Isn’t it more likely that in 1997, when the scientists realised that it hadn’t rained for two hours, they were forced to come up with the theory of ‘CO2’ being this magical ‘thing’ that comes out of other ‘things’.

“I do not ‘breathe out’. And neither do you.”

Muir added: “Also, why did the Arctic Gas Detector show CO2 levels of 400 parts per million. That seems like a very random number.

“For instance, why isn’t it 15 parts per 40? Or seven parts per 32? Why is it always hundreds and millions?

“To scare you, that’s why.”

But Martin Bishop, who has been reading stuff on the internet all morning, said: “I am not a 100% sceptic. I believe that science can, occasionally, be correct.

“For instance, I believe there is ‘C’ and to a lesser extent some ‘O’, but the idea that ‘C’ and ‘O’ have somehow ‘fused together’ is clearly a Marxist ploy.

“If it isn’t then why do I have no idea what ‘C’ and ‘O’ stand for?”