ISIS has tried and failed to issue a scary-sounding statement.
The terrorist organisation warned of ‘dark days’ for the ‘crusaders’, making everyone wonder if it was written by 14-year-old boy.
Security expert Norman Steele said: “Based on the doomy cliches that pepper their public announcements, I think it’s fair to say that ISIS read a lot of heavy metal album sleeve notes.
“Some of the things they come out with are lyrics copied directly from Iron Maiden songs, altered slightly to add an absurd sense of self-justification. It’s the sort of thing small boys are into when they’re at that stage of trying to act hard.”
One ISIS supporter posted online: “We are the bringers of darkness – fear us.”
Steele responded: “That sounds like the cover blurb of a James Herbert book about killer owls.”