DONALD Trump remains at large because fellow bellends refuse to disclose his whereabouts, it has been claimed.
The flaccid billionaire, who poses a serious threat to humanity, remains at liberty because the world’s millions-strong bellend community refuses to give authorities advance warning of where he will pop up next.
Security expert Roy Hobbs said: “In the UK alone there are over two million bellends, mostly working in PR or marketing but also spread like a smear across corporate culture.
“They meet at ‘networking events’ and ‘brunches’ to share information on their awful, stupid schemes and actively admire Donald Trump for his apparent ‘balls’ even if that only amounts to saying aggressive-sounding things about what he would do in totally hypothetical situations.
“The UN would like to capture and imprison Trump, that’s obviously in everyone’s best interests. These fucking bellends know where he is but they aren’t playing ball.”
Tom Booker of the International Bellend Federation said: “We bellends always get singled out, just because we’re incredible alpha-type people who make mere mortals jealous.
“I am proud to be a bellend and I am proud to call Donald Trump my fellow bell. He is a great man and a massive, massive bellend.”