Last pro-Brexit politician leaves Britain

THE last politician who supported Britain leaving the EU has left Britain, it was confirmed today. 

Andrea Leadsom, who told voters to take back control, has joined Boris Johnson, Nigel Farage and Michael Gove in heading for foreign countries that are a bit more politically stable.

Leadsom said: “As a mother, I cannot countenance bringing my children up on an isolated island riven by civil war, a collapsing monetary system and famine.

“We visited this once-proud country to give you the gift of freedom and now, like Michael Landon in Highway to Heaven, we must move on to other lands that need our help.

“The road ahead is long and arduous and only one-third of you will survive. But I shall cherish the fact that you validated my beliefs always, in my heart.

“Do write. Don’t ask for help.”

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Man finds least dirty plate to put frozen pizza onto

A MAN has had to examine all four of his dirty plates to see which one is clean enough to put a pizza on.

Nathan Muir had to make the choice after realising every dish he owned was dirty and that he could not eat the pizza off his ironing board.

He said: “I chose one which had only had egg on toast eaten off it.

“Two of the others had had curry eaten off them and the other one, well, I’m not totally sure what had been eaten off that one so it wasn’t the toughest choice.”

He added: “I might just throw that fourth plate out actually. Or maybe just burn it.”

Asked as to whether he could have just done the dishes Muir replied: “I could have.

“I could also have cooked a proper meal instead of just putting a frozen pizza into the oven for 20 minutes. And yet I did not.”