Sunday, 8th December 2019

Massively stoned Brit in Amsterdam pretending he can discern between skunk varieties

AN out-of-his-box British man in Amsterdam is claiming he can tell the difference between various strains of super-strong skunk. 

Nathan Muir, who has been smoking weed glistening with crystals since 9am, sees afterimages of his hand when he waves it and forgets what he is saying halfway through a sentence, but remains convinced he is a cannabis connoisseur.

He said: “Yeah, the bubblegum’s definitely a smoother high than this.. ah… purple lemon punch. And… longer-lasting.

“Which is this one of Steve’s we’re smoking now? This joint someone passed me? Who passed me this? What’s in it? What do you mean you can’t remember? What was I saying?

“Anyway this… AK-47 is a harsher toke, granted, but it’s a much cleaner high. Not befuddling at all. Where are we? Weren’t we somewhere else, before?”

Friend Tom Booker said: “Pretending you can tell what skunk you’re smoking in Amsterdam is like claiming you can tell what truck’s run you over by the tyre treads.

“Face it, Nathan. We’re British, we’re speechlessly stoned and it’s all just weed to us. Let’s all stare swaying into the middle distance together.”