No, I was the mate of the idiot president before this one, says Blair

TONY Blair has explained that he was mates with the halfwit president who invaded Iraq, not this butterscotch-whirl-haired knobhead. 

The former prime minister, accused of warning Trump that he was being spied on by British intelligence, clarified that his friend was George W Bush, America’s new low previous to Trump.

He continued: “There’s no way I’d help Trump out. No way. No, mine was the utter fucking idiot who in retrospect doesn’t seem too bad.

“You remember? Chimp-eared guy, blank expression, only in the job because his dad had been, read a kids’ book about a goat while his country was under terrorist attack?

“Sure, he had his faults, but he was way better than Trump. Just imagine him in office on September 11th. There’s no way he could’ve read that goat book.

“I know it was kind of embarrassing seeing me buddying up with Dubya at the time, but compared to May taking Trump’s tiny hand like a nursery nurse taking a toddler for a trouser-change it was minor.

“The cool presidents? Never returned my calls. It’s a mystery why.”