Saturday, 8th May 2021

Nobody wants to be the first ars*hole to bring up Brexit

NOBODY in the UK wants to be the first kn*bhead to ruin the new year by bringing up f**king Brexit, it has agreed. 

From Aberdeen to Penzance, Britons are trying to stick to topics like ‘How was your Christmas?’ and ‘Did you see that Dracula?’ for as long as possible.

Print manager Emma Bradford said: “It’s been lovely, not thinking about it. Why not let that last just a little longer?

“It’s been so nice to be able to go an entire night down the pub without anyone arguing about leaving or remaining. Without all that wondering what’s next.

“We had a chat about possible war with Iran at the water cooler and I was dreading it coming up but thankfully it never did and we were able to keep it light and fun.”

Historian Dr Helen Archer said: “History shows us that the best way to prevent major political events bringing you down is simply to ignore them.

“The best way to avoid Brexit is not to mention Brexit. Oh damn it. Sorry.”