Nuke Alaska, whatever, US tells North Korea

THE US has challenged North Korea to launch a nuclear strike on Alaska to see if they even notice. 

Following news that the rogue state has successfully tested a ICBM which could reach the state, US sources have informed them in no uncertain terms that they ‘would be wasting their fucking time’. 

Secretary of State Rex Tillerson said: “Imagine post-apocalyptic Alaska with those famous monuments half-sunk in the sand, except oh yeah there aren’t any. 

“It’s a cross between the least-populated bits of Canada and the least-populated bits of Russia, inhabited mainly by feuding members of the Palin clan. 

“I don’t know why we’ve got Alaska. Alaskans don’t know why we’ve got Alaska. At least Hawaii’s good for holidays. 

“So yeah, nuke away. Even residents will be just like ‘Is the radiation count higher today, or is it just me?’” 

Kim Jong-un said: “No matter what I do, I can never impress them. I should just stop trying.”