PRESIDENT Obama was condemned last night for not describing his Republican opponents as total dicks.
In his State of the Union address, the president drew clear dividing lines ahead of this year’s election, but then baffled many observers by not calling his right-wing rivals ‘corrupt, twisted motherfuckers who should be bulldozed into the sea’.
Veteran US political commentator, Todd Logan, said: “There was a lot of interesting stuff about tax and fairness, but very little about how the Republican Party is just a big piece of shit, filled with bastards and nutjobs.
“It seems he still wants to be seen, essentially, as a figure who is above the everyday political fray instead of being the first president to include the word ‘cocksuckers’ in a State of Union speech.”
Helen Archer, professor of 20th century politics at Georgetown University, said: “In 2001 George W Bush could have gone to Congress and called Osama Bin Laden ‘a prick with a turd on it’ and now Obama has passed on what may be his last chance to point to the massed ranks of Tea Party Republicans and say ‘fuck you, your mothers take it up the ass’.
“He may have calculated that his re-election chances are better served by a concerted campaign in the working class heartlands of the midwest and a continued focus on job creation, but my research shows that the contest would effectively be over already if he had just said to Michelle Bachmann, ‘eat my shit, you fucking psycho bitch’.”
Some White House staffers still hope to convince the president to alter his strategy and start calling his opponents ‘dicks’, ‘fuckers’ and ‘deviant gimp-felchers who would rape their own grandmothers if she looked at them the wrong way’.
One senior Democrat said: “What is not to be gained from calling Newt Gingrich a dark-hearted scum blister, Ron Paul an insane, racist pig-fucker and Mitt Romney the deformed spawn of a religion founded by a raging psychopath that gives women the same legal status as cars?
“Then he could go on Fox News, speak directly to the voters and tell them that he would gleefully set fire to their bible-filled houses.
“I’m wasted here.”