PRESIDENT Obama last night thanked the Queen for laying on the sort of ceremonial bullshit that harks back to the empire that crushed his beautiful African ancestors.
At an official state banquet at Buckingham Palace, Mr Obama stressed the link between America and Britain was
strong, much to his annoyance because he hates the fucking place and everything it stands for.
He said: “You can trot around on your little horses, blow your little trumpets and pretend it’s 1850 all you want.
“But it’s not 1850 and your little adventure in Africa is long gone you lazy, privileged, fat-assed motherfuckers.
“I want to thank all you viscounts and earls and dukes and god knows what for hauling your white asses out of your stately homes built with slave money and the stolen resources of millions of proud Africans, Indians and native Americans.
“How about I come to your house tomorrow and help myself to the contents of your fridge and then make a coffee-coloured baby with your pretty little Duchess? You like that, you thieving piece of shit?”
Removing the Queen’s tiara and holding it over his head he added: “In America we give crowns to beauty queens. Okay, so they are just dim-witted pawns in some decadent, capitalist sideshow, but at least they fucking earned it.
“Not like this old white woman, who tries to justify her ill-gotten luxury with words like ‘heritage’ and ‘continuity’ as if we are all just dumb-assed field slaves who don’t know nothin’ anyhow.”
The President continued: “If you think you can wave this imperialist horseshit under my nose and I won’t say anything, you must be out of your tiny, inbred minds.
“I am now going to France where they know what to do with people like you.
“Stick that in your fucking trumpet.”