Paris incredibly beautiful, confirm experts

PARIS is just amazing and if you have not been there you should definitely go, it has been confirmed.

Experts said the city was a monument to civilisation and was graced with architecture that will make your heart soar.

Professor Henry Brubaker, from the Institute for Studies, said: “You can view some of the greatest art in human history, art that symbolises our faltering progress towards a truly civilised world, and then you can eat a meal that you’ll wish could last forever.”

He added: “If aliens ever visit the earth, Paris is one of the first places you would want to show them.

“You’d say to them, ‘I imagine that on your home planet you’ve got some pretty spectacular cities, but I’m sure you’ll agree, this one’s a bit special’.

“And the aliens would agree and they’d go for a walk along the Seine and talk about giving up their jobs on the spaceship for a couple of years and just live in a little flat in Paris.

“Because it’s amazing.”

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Man riding penny farthing is coolest motherf**ker of all time

A HIPSTER riding an old bicycle through London has been judged the coolest motherf**ker in history.

Julian Cook took his newly acquired mode of transport out for the first time yesterday, safe in the knowledge he was sure to make a scene.

Eyewitness Emma Bradford said: “He’s like Picasso, mixed with Bruce Lee with a hint of Jimi Hendrix thrown in.

“His graceful presence caused total strangers to strike-up conversations about how amazing he was and how we all wanted to be just like him.

“I don’t know how anyone could possibly arrive at the conclusion that he’s a self-absorbed bellend.”

Cook said: “I don’t really care if they were looking at me to be honest. You don’t ride a penny farthing to be looked at.

“You do it for the love of large, 19th Century bicycles.”