US Church To Commemorate 9-11 By Causing Another One

A CHURCH in Florida is to commemorate the anniversary of the 9-11 atrocity by causing another one.

If you work in a tall building, now might be a good time to dust off the old CV

The Dove World Outreach Centre in Florida explored a variety of methods for provoking Muslims before deciding to set fire to the one thing they have asked us repeatedly not to set fire to.

Pastor Terry Jones will lead his congregation in starting a bonfire made from copies of the Koran in a move that experts say will lead to long waiting lists at flight schools across the US and western Europe.

Pastor Jones said: “The Ko-ran is a hideous book that condemns homosexuality, sex outwith marriage and abortion while demanding unquestioning obedience to God and making it clear that women are second class citizens.

“Hang on a minute.”

Pastor Jones then retired to his study to read selected chapters of the sacred Islamic text before adding: “This is just excellent. I mean – excellent.

“This is what Christianity would be like if we actually had some fucking balls.

“It says here that if I want I can put a dog collar around Jennifer Aniston’s neck and then make her get down on all fours and eat raw chicken wings from a bowl. Okay, that’s not an exact translation but gist-wise it’s not far off.”

Ali Al-Makram, a leading US-based imam, said: “I honestly can’t remember what we were fighting about. It might have been that Britney Spears video where she’s dressed as a delinquent schoolgirl.

“But seriously, no book fires or it’s kaboom-time. You can take that to the bank and cash it.”

Pastor Jones added: “Is there something else we can set fire to? What about Cat Stevens?”