'Volunteer Aid' seeks volunteers to rescue volunteers

A NEW international scheme is recruiting students to help save other gap year volunteers from their own stupidity.

New figures show that around 56% of volunteers in Cambodia are living in squalor after falling off motorbikes or chopping their toes off with a shovel.

A Volunteer Aid spokesman said: “Thousands of gap year volunteers face a desperate situation.

“They either lack the basic common sense to get themselves to the airport, or cannot eat due to a lack of change for vending machines.

“In some of the poorer villages residents are threatening to kill our gap year students with blunt instruments unless they go home soon.”

21-year-old Nikki Hollis has just returned from helping volunteers in Thailand: “One group of students turned to drugs after going out to build a school and realising they were incapable of manual labour.

“You can see that their mental condition is deteriorating when they start to think The Alchemist is a good book.

“Often they just need basic education, like someone telling them that the orange thing in the sky is what’s making their skin go sore.”

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Google Glass makes everything look like 'Knightmare'

GOOGLE’S computer glasses immerse the wearer in the fantasy world of children’s TV show Knightmare, it has emerged.

The corporation gave its 30something male software engineers free creative rein, a decision which would inevitably lead to swords and sorcery.

Google Glass beta tester Tom Logan said: “You put them on and suddenly everything looks like a massive dungeon.

“A disembodied voice says things like ‘get the magical goblet’ and ‘avoid the dragon, sidestep to your left’.

“I had a sword battle with a hill troll and then took off my Google glasses to find I was in a work meeting and had stabbed the HR guy with a marker pen.

“Also my girlfriend gets really annoyed because when we go to restaurants I just order ‘whatever will replenish my life points’.”

Logan’s girlfriend Emma Bradford said: “We talked about buying a house and having kids but since he got these glasses his main goal has become finding a magical scroll.

“When I try to discuss it he says I’m just an obstacle on his quest and offers me an apple to let him pass.”