LIFE was incredible before you cared about stuff like inflation, mortgage rates and hormones. Which also meant coolness was achievable if you had this stuff:
A cast on your arm
From showing off about the gory details to the customisable surface to the way it got you out of doing any writing for months, the intense pain and temporary disability was worth it for the rockstar glory.
Diet Coke and Mentos
Knowing that, at any moment, you could combine two items and create an explosion? Firing a two-litre Coke across your neighbour’s drive? And getting away with it by calling it science?
A big stick
A kid with a big stick is a living legend. The only real option for using it is to announce, ‘look how big this is’ before being told to put it down before it takes someone’s eye out, but it’s a short and sweet taste of the high life.
A slide into a swimming pool
Doesn’t matter if it’s five feet or 50ft long, the sheer out-of-control thrill of hitting water at velocity cannot be beaten. An adrenaline high you’ll chase for life.
Copying catchphrases
In the modern age they’re from the internet; back in the day they were from adverts. But all eight-year-olds agree: no matter how many times they’re repeated, they never get any less funny.
Hair gel
There is only one styling option for hair gel at this age, and that is to make it all stick up in the air. Subtlety is for uncool cowards with boring, gravity-obeying tresses.
A cast on your leg
All the cred of a cast, and getting to carry round two big sticks with you everywhere you go. Or being pushed in a wheelchair by your mates using your leg as a weapon.
Dog on the playground
The only visitor to a school ground that could trump a cast-wearing, hair-gelled, catchphrase-spouting Year 4. Bonus points if you got to watch a dinner lady try to catch it.
