BMW driver ‘actually a pretty decent bloke’ claim two people

A MAN who drives a BMW is ‘sort of an okay person, once you get to know him’, it has been claimed by two people.

Martin Bishop, 43, described by both his wife and a friend as ‘not all that bad, really’, drives a BMW 6 Series, which he has named ‘Tiffany’.

Bishop’s friend Nathan Muir said: “He got me a birthday card last week and bought me a beer. Not at all what you’d expect considering he drives like an absolute fucking prick.”

Bishop’s wife, Justine said: “Martin is a great husband and father. He always helps the kids with the homework and he does his fair share around the house.

“The minute he sits in that driver’s seat, which he calls the ‘cockpit’ for some reason, he becomes a bit insufferable. Other than that he’s really quite nice. Or am I deluding myself? Is it all the wine?”

Bishop was unavailable for comment as he was ‘too busy giving Tiffany a good hosing down’.

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Brits abroad don’t need to point at menus because they’re having chips

WAITERS across Europe have agreed that there is no need for holidaying Britons to dumbly point at menus because they are always having chips. 

Following a survey showing more than half of Brits desperately point to menus because they are fearful of being served fried octopus balls, restaurant staff have said there is no need to tax their overheated brains even slightly.

Waiter Rui Tavares in Portugal said: “We know which ones you are – wearing the Manchester City away shirts, presumably because you are not at home – and we know what you want.

“We are only having a little fun when we suggest the clams or the wine-cooked goat. We only want to see you go white beneath the red.

“Brits do not even get the real menu. There is a special one, like for children, but with fewer bold flavours that might upset them.”

Holidaymaker Wayne Hayes said: “I’ll be glad to get home tomorrow. They don’t do the chips right.”