Saturday, 24th October 2020

Cat who's too good for dry food really going to town on his anus

A CAT that refuses to eat dry food appears to have no qualms about enthusiastically licking its own anus. 

Three-year-old tabby Salem treats a bowl of kibble with withering contempt while believing that raising a leg in the air to give himself a thorough 30-minute anal tonguing is absolutely fine, perhaps even something of a treat.

Owner Martin Bishop said: “It’s not like I get the cheap stuff. But he glances at the bowl and at me as if I’ve mortally insulted him, and then gets stuck right into his back end.

“It’s a pretty harsh condemnation of the dry food. How bad must it be if you’d rather rim yourself? That’s even worse than a Ginsters.

“Christ. At least come up for air occasionally.”

Salem said: “What I’m doing is totally natural, which is more than I can say for that processed shit you try to get me to eat.

“Believe me, if the only meal you had to look forward to came in the shape of uniform pellets, you’d find your own bum a suitably fascinating diversion too.”