Wednesday, 30th September 2020

Couple considering acquiring small in-bred creature to shit in their house

A COUPLE are thinking of getting a knee-high animal with a long history of inbreeding so they can clear up its excrement. 

Joshua Hudson and Lucy Parry have spent three years together not picking up faeces, and are excited at the prospect of spending thousands of pounds for the joy of owning a living, defecating thing.

Hudson said: “I’ve always wanted to make a huge and ongoing financial and lifestyle commitment to something that will break my heart when it dies within a decade.

“And, because they look cute in photos, I’ve chosen one whose ancestors have been mating with their relatives for generations and has severe congenital medical issues as a result.

Parry added: “We’ve reached a point in our relationship where we want to have poo bags in all our coat pockets, and our clothes are covered in animal hairs and slobber.

“I’m most excited about the way our home will smell, and I can’t wait to have our food stolen and our lovemaking interrupted by a four-legged friend who barks at the slightest noise and destroys our furniture.

“After all, we weren’t planning our lives around constantly serving the needs of anything else! So why not.”