FAMILIES who have been smugly enjoying their outdoor space are just as f**ked as the rest of Britain as soon as the weather is bad.
Although people with gardens have recently been describing themselves in unbearable terms such as ‘grateful’ and ‘lucky’, it has emerged that a bit of rain reduces them to unhinged wall-climbers like everyone else.
Garden owner Francesca Johnson said: “People have said that this pandemic is a great leveller but that’s not true. A good dose of shit British weather is what really puts us all in the same boat.
“When it was sunny I was saying things to friends without gardens like ‘I don’t know how you’re coping’. But that was really my way of saying, ‘You’ve made some dreadful life choices, haven’t you?’
“Now I’m stuck inside with two children and only a batch of shit fairy cakes they’ve baked to look forward to. If the weather doesn’t pick up soon, I’m going to have to start talking to them. This is a nightmare.”