READY for a relaxing evening? Nice try. Here are five things your kid has remembered they need for school in the morning.
A packed lunch for a school trip
Three months ago you paid for a school trip which your kid has just realised is happening tomorrow. As they usually have school dinners, you have f**k all in to make a sandwich with. This is why they spend lunchtime at the local industrial museum eating two slices of out-of-date panettone filled with salad cream and picked onions.
A fancy dress costume
It’s 10.37pm and your child has come downstairs to tell you they need a costume for tomorrow’s ‘Romans Day’ at school. You spend the night tearing your hair out trying to fashion them a centurion’s helmet, before giving in, putting a sheet on their head and telling them they’re going as ‘ghost of Julius Caesar’.
The ingredients for a risotto
They wait until after the Tesco Metro at the end of the road is closed to announce that they’ve got food technology tomorrow and need ingredients for a risotto, including arborio rice, fresh sage and gran padano. You come back from the 24-hour garage with basmati, dried parsley and Cheese Strings, and pray you won’t have to sample their creation the next day.
£500 for the class skiing holiday
Remember a vague conversation about a skiing trip to Chamonix next Christmas? Well, your kid took that as a firm yes, and you have to pay the deposit tomorrow. After attempting to explain about the cost of living crisis, you give in and put it on the credit card, while mentally despairing over the further costs of flights, ski jackets and salopettes.
A leaving gift for the teacher
Mrs Griffiths is leaving tomorrow, and there’s going to be a big assembly that you need to attend, and also you need to bring a present. You’ll have no time to buy one tomorrow, so search around the house instead, finally finding an almost-full bottle of Scotch that you can top up with water and no one will be any the wiser. Anyway, she’s a teacher, you reason, so she’ll be desperate to drink anything.
