Friday, 29th May 2020

Man goes on disappointing summer holiday to his childhood memories

A MIDDLE aged man has managed to go on a disappointing summer holiday during lockdown by revisiting his childhood memories.

After having to cancel this year’s break in Spain, Joseph Turner, 45, attempted to immerse himself in the holidays of his youth, only to realise they were all crap.

Father-of-two Turner said: “I thought it would be joyfully nostalgic, but now I realise there’s nowhere I’d like to visit less than my past.

“My childhood featured every disappointing holiday. Miserable fortnights in rain-drenched Welsh ghost towns. Grotty amusement arcades in Southend and far too much krazy golf.

“My parents rented a canal boat once, which just meant going to pubs where I could only drink Britvic and living in cramped conditions not dissimilar to Das Boot.

“Even the school holidays were just full of dodgy haircuts, spots and unrequited teenage love. If I were to give the best years of my life a TripAdvisor rating it would be a solid two-star experience. Would not recommend.

“However it’s a lot cheaper than Center Parcs so I might try and convince the whole family to go on a ‘memory holiday’ next year.”