PEOPLE who have experienced real existential angst about their age have told a young person facing a ‘quarter-life crisis’ to do one.
After whingeing about turning 30 and not having his life ‘figured out’ yet, millennial Joshua Hudson has been advised by every middle-aged person he knows to f**k off and die.
Office worker Martin Bishop, 52, said: “Oh, is having your relative youth and plenty of life options still open to you proving too much to bear? Forgive me if my heart isn’t exactly bleeding for you.
“So what if you don’t know who you are or what you’re doing? I’m 20 years older than you and I still haven’t got a f**king clue. All I can say for certain is my dream of becoming Britain’s most promising young actor is increasingly off the cards.
“What hurts most is it’s too late for me to sort any of this out. The die has been cast and I’m doomed. I can’t even become a dentist now.”
Donna Sheridan, 48, said: “Having a little wobble about your career isn’t a crisis. You need to unexpectedly chuck your spouse, buy a Porsche Spyder and move to the south of France for no apparent reason. Until you’ve done that, kindly shut the f**k up.”
Hudson added: “Phew, sounds like I’ve got plenty of time to turn things around. I’m sure I won’t wake up and suddenly discover I’m 50 completely out of the blue.”