A MAN whose life is shit regularly cheers himself up with the pathetic tactic of remembering that he does not work for Deliveroo.
Office worker Tom Booker developed the technique after seeing a harassed Deliveroo rider stagger into a burger chain to take some mediocre food to a lazy bastard for not much money.
Booker said: “I’ve got a meeting in work tomorrow, by which I mean a bollocking, but as I receive another humiliating dressing-down I’ll just think ‘At least I’m not working for Deliveroo’.
“Also my girlfriend has said there’s something she needs to tell me in person, which isn’t a good sign. But the cool thing is I’m not weaving through traffic with a massive box on my back.
“My flat’s a dump and my career’s going nowhere, but again – no Deliveroo. Maybe I should have higher aspirations than not working for Deliveroo but it really makes me feel good about my life.
“To be fair I’ve heard the money isn’t terrible and there are probably worse jobs out there, but at least I’m not one of those losers on bikes.”
Booker’s boss Nikki Hollis said: “I don’t feel Tom is a good fit with our company and maybe he’d be better off in some sort of freelance outdoor catering logistics role involving plenty of exercise.”