THE coronavirus has altered lifestyles so drastically that sitting around in a grubby bathrobe eating cake all day is now de rigueur. But how else will lockdown shape the hot trends for this summer?
Showing off your new curves
No one is getting out of lockdown without gaining a few pounds, so we’d better all agree that fat is the height of fashion. After it’s eased, expect coastlines full of socially distanced humans blubbering around like beached whales in speedos.
A return to the Shit Age of television
No new television can be made for months, so the Golden Age is over. Expect instead to see people getting nerdily obsessed with the sort of tripe we used to sit through, like Juliet Bravo. You might not think you’d enjoy someone live tweeting the entirety of Howard’s Way, but you won’t have any choice.
Forget exercise or drugs: sleep is going to become the worrying new addictive trend this summer. So many people are now sleeping an average of 18 hours a day during lockdown that returning to ‘before time’ hours is going to be impossible.
During lockdown, the world has realised that any garment that isn’t pyjamas is a pointless faff. High fashion brands will be launching haute couture lines that are ruinously expensive and impractical, but you’ll be able to purchase a cheap nylon knock-off from Primark soon.
Old-fashioned courtship rituals
After lockdown, Tinder hook-ups will be out and walking five miles to stand two metres away from your beloved whilst making polite small talk will be in. Why people are so concerned about catching coronavirus when they didn’t used to give a f**k about catching chlamydia will remain a mystery.