Mums' WhatsApp group sharing helpful tips on freebasing

A GROUP of mums are supporting each other through lockdown by pooling their knowledge about getting high.

The mothers started messaging each other when the crisis began, and have branched out from sending homeschooling tips to sharing insights on scoring and smoking hard drugs.

Eleanor Shaw said: “I don’t know where I’d be without fellow mums helping me through this. It’s a stressful time and sometimes you just need to get turnt up.

“Emily sent some great collage ideas, and Lisa has been all over fun phonics exercises, but it wasn’t until Carolyn sent a guide to freebasing that we knew there was a way to cope with having our children at home.”

Carolyn Ryan said: “I came to a point where baking gingerbread men was not enough to get me through the day, which is when I thought about class As.

“It’s sweet because the dads have their own group too where they share advice about building treehouses and betting on backstreet dog fights.

“We all love our children and I’m so happy our little community is finding a way to be the best parents we can be.”

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Couple in sexless lockdown experience taste of married life

A COUPLE going through a sexual rut during lockdown have been given a sneak preview of married life.

Martin Bishop and Emma Bradford are experiencing the matrimonial life they have often dreamed of as their desire for intercourse with each other has completely vanished.

Bishop said: “Just like a real married couple we had the honeymoon period where we’d go at it like rabbits in every room, but by the third day of lockdown the novelty had worn off.

“Also it’s difficult to keep the magic alive when you think your partner might have brought a deadly respiratory disease back with them from the shops.”

Bradford said: “My married friends told me it’s common for sex drives to dry up over time, only it usually takes a few years not a few hours.

“But I’m choosing to look at this in a positive light – Martin and I are so well matched that we’re already way ahead of the curve. The abstinent, joyless curve of a shagless marriage.”