Self-centred prick 'needs another minute' with the menu

A MAN has been declared a prick after sending the waiter away when everyone else was clearly ready to order.

34-year-old Adam Townsend, was dining with friends at Pizza Express in Crawley, when the waiter arrived halfway through Townsend’s very important anecdote about his ‘nightmare commute’.

Townsend said: “I had been too busy entertaining the table to check the menu, so I asked for a bit more time. Nobody minded; they were gripped. If anything, they were annoyed with the waiter for ruining the flow of my story.”

Fellow diner, 33-year-old Mark Pitcher, said: “When the waiter came to take our order, I started to ask for a Fiorentina, but Adam the Prick cut me off, saying he needed another minute. By this point, we were all ravenous.

“I suggested that Adam should think about what he might like to eat while the rest of us were ordering, but apparently he ‘couldn’t concentrate while we were all talking’. Prickishly, he also dismissed my idea of ordering a starter for the table as ‘unnecessary’.”

The group confirmed the prick will now be shunned.

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Scouts 'still seem a bit weird'

SCIENTISTS have confirmed that the whole Scouting movement is apparently fine while still looking very weird.

Research has shown that Scouts, along with Cubs, Brownies and all the rest, are actually doing perfectly healthy, educational activities and only look like an unsmiling junior fascist movement.

Researcher Eleanor Shaw said: “Despite appearances, they’re not up to anything. Honestly, we checked.

“They make paper aeroplanes, they go camping occasionally, they’re given badges for doing perfectly ordinary everyday things. It isn’t weird. It really isn’t.

“I mean, unless there’s some kind of Manchurian Candidate thing going on and they’re hypnotised to take over Britain in house-to-house death squads, and they’re not. Probably not.”

52-year-old former scout Roy Hobbs said: “It’s all good, clean fun, though when I did Bob-a-Job in the 70s we were asked to kill a man and hide his body where it would never be found.

“Well, we had to do it. It’s the Scout code. And we only got 20p.”