TWATS are putting up England flags everywhere even though there’s no football tournament on and calling it Operation Raise The Colours. Here’s how to join them:
Disingenuously claim it’s patriotism
You just love England, right? It’s mere coincidence that national flags are popular with racists, right? This campaign isn’t just an attempt to get your flag taken down and claim all police, local councils, and small business owners are treasonous, right? Painfully transparent, but conned Keir Starmer into cluelessly giving his support.
Know f**k all about the flag
St George was Turkish, he never visited England, and the flag was introduced to England by Richard the Lionheart who was French and only came here to demand money for Crusades. It’s been pretty much adopted within the last 50 years, making it as traditionally English as boil-in-the-bag beef chow mein.
Look like a thug while putting it up
Don’t just quietly hoist your St George’s Cross. Do it mob-handed with shaven heads after all doing a key bump so it resembles a scene from The Football Factory. Because if you’re climbing a ladder to put up cloth, doesn’t everyone need five mates ready for it to kick the f**k off?
Be a dick about planning rules
You can’t generously erect a public toilet wherever you like, and the same applies to flags. When the council takes them down it’s not the woke Stasi oppressing you, it’s that flags may not been needed in that particular location. We cannot have flags everywhere at all times. They will become litter. That would make you the traitor.
Use the flag for electoral gain
This only applies to politicians, but why not make flags a key part of your election strategy, Sir Keir? Sure, natural Labour voters will be repelled, but the right-wing nutters currently petitioning for an immediate general election will stop calling you a nonce mate of Savile and ‘Queer Starmer’ once they see you love flags.
Drag the Lionesses into this
‘We put up England flags when the Lionesses played,’ you say. Yes. And that was a completely different thing with no racist undertones. It’s the equivalent of arguing, ‘My local church has got a cross, so why can’t I use a burning one for my Klan rally?’
Bang on about Palestinian flags
There’s a reasonable argument that Jewish residents might be intimidated by the sudden appearance of lots of Palestinian flags. However, given a long history of right-wing anti-Semitic chanting, they are hardly likely to be placated by a profusion of St George crosses. This isn’t nettles and dock leaves, it’s international geopolitics. That’s harder.
