Sex shops preparing for rise in postman-related fetish wear

SEX shops are stocking up on postman-themed costumes due to people developing a kink for them during lockdown.

The lack of human contact with anyone except postal workers has resulted in large numbers of inquiries from both men and women about ‘postie gear’.

Soho sex shop manager Tom Logan said: “At first I thought it was weird, but after nine weeks in lockdown I suppose postmen were bound to become a sexual thing.

“I don’t understand the short-sleeved shirt, cargo pants and white ankle socks look myself, but we embrace all manner of perversions here and I’m not going to judge. 

“I said I’d look into trying to source them, but it’s a challenge because ‘postman’ has never been on the list of essential worker costumes we stock. We’ve got plenty of sexy nurse outfits, but thanks to the virus they just terrify people. 

“Luckily we’ve been able to get some Royal Mail anoraks and satchels. If you wear them with a thong and pretend to deliver an electricity bill you’re in for some sexy fun.”

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Woman builds second home out of Amazon packaging

A WOMAN has ordered so much stuff from Amazon she has been able to build a second home out of all the packaging.

Emma Bradford has made herself a stunning three-bed house out of 62 boxes, 15 kilograms of brown paper and 23 padded envelopes. 

She said: “Since lockdown I have needed so much essential stuff – retro coasters, juicers, a hot tub, so I was getting deliveries every day.

“I was initially annoyed that they’d send me a single potato peeler in a three-foot box but now I could not be happier about the excess packaging.

“I’ve just ordered five books and a set of mason jars so I can build a garage.

“It’s everything you could want in second home. It’s cosy, peaceful and my children are not in it. It’s more of a luxury fort, really.  

“Ideally, I’d like a better location than the bottom of my garden so I’m thinking of taking it to Durham because I think that’s allowed.

“I might just stay here for the rest of lockdown. Or at least until it rains.”