YOUR delicate flower has gifts that money can’t buy, but getting those talents to blossom carries a hefty price tag:
An equipment-heavy sport
Sport’s great for kids to keep fit, learn discipline and get out in the fresh air. But anyone can do that. Instead archery, fencing, or riding a bloody tandem are what you’re shelling out hundreds every term for, with no health benefits whatsoever.
Playing the double bass
Or something equally huge and impractical with the weirdest arrangement of pipes and strings you’ve ever encountered. The music teacher claims your offspring has an innate natural talent for it even though you know he just clocked the size of your SUV.
You fell for this one assuming the only overheads would be a big studio with a mirrored wall. But then came the strange little shoes, and the costumes, and the second pair of strange little shoes because they wear out every month, didn’t you know?
A very specific art
Crayons are common. Jewellery-making, calligraphy and glass-blowing are far less common, with their rarity reflected in the price. And the cost of oil paints is, of course, why Van Gogh severed his ear.
Not opening a can of Peppa Pig shapes and sticking them in the microwave, which would be helpful, but kneading and forming their own pasta like Sicilian peasants. Such a useful skill and only £280 for eight weeks.
Anything to do with a horse
You’re lucky if you can even find a way for a child to look at a horse for under a tenner. Riding one is like giving it a nosebag of £20s. And to own one? Why, you’ll never have money again.