THANKS to the miracle of television nobody needs hobbies. Yet people still piss away their free time on these dull activities:
Even back when there were only three channels and porn was only available from a specialist newsagent three towns away, this hobby was still arse-achingly boring. Anyone who’s still sticking small postal coupons into a scrapbook in an age where you have all of Breaking Bad at the touch of a button is sending out a cry for help.
Only remotely fun if you enjoy numbers, little grids, and pointless challenges. Sudoku players justify their miserable hobby by saying it staves off mental decline, but is it worth it? Most people would rather fry their brain with Netflix and social media than drag out their existence with a shitty numerical puzzle.
Playing the dullest card game on a computer is a thrilling hobby if you’re in an IT class around the turn of the millennium and you already know Microsoft Excel but wanted a few days out of work. Even then Minesweeper would be more socially acceptable. If you’re still playing it, show some self respect and fritter away your life on Candy Crush Saga instead.
If you would like to eat a fish, they are widely available in supermarkets. If you would like to sit in some tranquil countryside, you can easily do so without coaxing a living creature to impale its face on a hook. Angling is nowhere near as enjoyable or hilarious as Mortimer and Whitehouse make it look in Gone Fishing, so spare yourself the embarrassment of wearing a gilet.
Anyone voluntarily standing in pissing rain by a level crossing waiting to spot a delayed goods train to Hull is just trying to work up the courage to throw themselves under its wheels. Stop collecting numbers and ask for help. You wouldn’t be doing this if you were okay.