Tuesday, 4th August 2020

Thank f**k it's hat season, say baldies

BRITAIN’S bald men are absolutely delighted that hat season has come around again. 

The men, who now have a solid reason for wearing hats at all times outdoors and frequently indoors for the next five months minimum, have confirmed that it is their favourite time of the year.

34-year-old Tom Logan said: “I wear a baseball cap in the summer. But everyone knows why.

“Now, I cruise around the cold streets in my knit cap feeling like everyone else, secure that I won’t be questioned, enjoying the warm, snug feeling on my head that reminds me of what having hair used to be like.

“I see my contemporaries with their full, resplendent barnets cramming them under hats, sweating it out and suffering terrible hat hair, and for a moment I can feel superior to them.

“My extensive wardrobe of hats is back in play. I can switch up my looks. I get compliments on them from kind girls who know how hard I’ve tried. Fingers crossed for a new ice age.”